The other night Philip fell asleep on our bed. He began to toss and turn and breathe restlessly and gasp. As you know from previous entries, this is not new, however, he cannot use oxygen by the nasal cannula, and so we have helplessly been watching him sleep this way. Some nights he may seem to rest more peacefully. This night was one of the bad nights. I woke up several times during the night trying to readjust him and prop him up on pillows. Nothing would help him. After being kicked again, and trying to reposition him, I finally got up and moved to another room, and left him with Santhosh.
I cried all the way to the other room. Why, Oh, God, Why? It just made me think of Hagar, in the book of Genesis. She and her son were cast out of Abraham's house with a jug of water, which soon ran out in the desert. She leaves her son in one place, and then goes off in another direction saying, "I don't want to watch my son die." Genesis 21 reads that God heard the voice of the son, though nothing is mentioned about what he might have said. I wondered how Hagar felt turning her back away from her son, in his suffering. I felt awful about turning from Philip, but I didn't know what else to do. Praying, rebuking the enemy, crying. Nothing seemed to change his situation. I began to ask God just to breathe his breath of life into Philip.
This afternoon I was talking to Philip and he said "I thank God for giving me good nights rest, Mom. The Bible says He gives sleep to his saints, and so He is giving me good sleep." I guess in spite of what I actually see in Philip's sleep pattern, he does get good rest. He will have a sleep study this week. I am thanking God in advance for awesome results. His own breath will fill Philip's lungs.
Though there are so many things I cannot understand with regard to Philip and his health, I know God the Father loves him more than I do. He has Philip in His hand. His purpose will be accomplished, and nothing will change that.
Thank you for your prayers for Philip!